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Wednesday, August 19, 2009
hmm.. today is kind of busy. This few days i wasn't in a good mood, feel like crying in fact. Sometimes i feel that dearie is not been understanding enough, he'll sudden raise up his voice(machim scolding) when we are urging. Like today, we are meeting at jurong east, he did told me that i'll need to wait. So i agreed to it, however he made me waited for him for an hour??!!I didn't expect to wait that long, seriously i'm fed up my leg is sore even though i'm sitting. My back is pain till unbearable, and yet i need to wait that long??!! So i called him, than i asked "why you take so long? i have waited for an hour" than he replied "i told you already le mah, i'm busy working, and told you that you need to wait". I replied to him "i know, it's so long, must as well i go home" than this time he replied me with an angry tone "than must as well we don't meet at the first place", i was pissed and feel like crying already. I kept quiet, and he said "give me awhile i'm now already coming out"
Soon after he came and met me, by that time my leg was numb. I can't feel anything, just slowly walk to the bus. When sitting down, my whole back like going to break immediately, i almost cried my tears was at the corner of the eyes. Yet i still keep quiet, and trying to move my back. After much torture, i couldn't take it so i slept. This time my ez-link card was on my hand, stupidity without realising it hurts my hand. I found out only when i was fully awake.
Than dearie realised that my hand is in pain, but somehow i am relactant to let him hold my hand. (i can say i'm every emotional when people start raising up their voices, and somehow i'm ultra senstive) somehow it's took me sometime to talk to him again and we played aracde.
we slow walk back to my house, and he continue to crap, somehow there is something distracted. But i have ignored, when we reached home, my back and leg is SERIOUSLY in pain. Than he asked me to take out my shoes first, i couldn't think much, so i said "why you asked me that?" than he replied "Machim i'll want to eat you" so i replied in a joking tone "yeah.." guess what happen next? He replied "think we shall meet lesser, so you will not feel that way".
I have make an effort to msg him, to check whether to meet. And yet, i'm treated that way, which means i shall stop msging him to check to meet. Let him check with me will i meet?? i'm confused!
I ran in to my room, and start to tear. I can't tolerate anymore, who'll want to hear all this?? My heart was shattered to pieces, when i heard that. He almost urge with me, as i said that he always "raise up his voice" than he urged back saying that i can't hear well. Yes, i have partially loss my hearing, i admit. It's even more pain when words been mentioned which hurts me more and with "raising up of voice". This is what i meant!!
What should i do?? i'm tired, SERIOUSLY tired.
"I know there is alot of weakness in me, but i can't change this is me! Same as you, you don't like been change so do i. If needed so, it needs time."
"i know you need care and concern, i'm slowly doing that, give me time"
Am i taking for granted? I think it's me, is my fault, I AM SORRY!