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Saturday, August 7, 2010
Yo, back for blogging.. been really busy and it's already almost been 3 mths in training. To be frankly, i don't really like the ppl in my squad they made me broke down a few times, and my patience to them has already reached to a limit. But i do have adorable ppl around. I have make a few good friends/buddies. They really gave me the moral support and they are more willingly to revise homework with you when you really needed the most. This what i call real friends..!
I did my law test just this week on Thursday night, and the results is far much more than i have expected. Not thinking of getting good score as i am sick once again. But this time, really out of my expectation and scored of 87 percent which is far much more than i thought. I thought i will get a just pass which is 70 percent but it went to 87 percent.
I am so contented of the marks even though it wasn't the top score but still i am proud of myself. My friend has made me remembered the important points and revised with me many times as i tends to forget some points. This really made me remembered during the test and scored that high scored. I promised myself to gv her a hug, if i passed all.. and eventually i did that and i almost teared.. but i didn't.. if i did, she will tear with me..! haha..
After all this testes, i am officially deployed for SYOG! I'm so thrilled of it..! It'll be a mths deployment and i hope that i can pick up asap and learn as much as possible. hee..!
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This whole 2 weeks, i am really emotional.. cried many times due to i'm in high pressure of stress. My friends hugged me and understand what situation i am facing! Sometime, i do hope certain understanding from ppl could be given, but however it disappointed me alot..
I have been wanted to talk things out to my dearest but he always so busy.. i do not want to bother him that much. So i bottled all the things in my heart.! Sometimes, i tell him he would say things when i just purely wants it to be say it out to make me feel better.. i just need a listening ears!
Sometime say is easier but what come to real life is not that easy to deal...
I shut myself for months not willing to tell anything and everything to anyone, which caused to break down and turn very emo. My friend is the first one to realise that i have changed alot, and she really sit with me and cry with me.. I even break down in front of my supervisor-in-charge.. he also quite worried for me, as i face so much pressure and scared that one day i may collaspe..
Many ppl though i am as strong as i appeared to them, but in fact i am not.. anything happen i am the weakest. I always put up the strong front in front of them and will never cry in front of them, i do not want them to worry, but who really know what i actually feels? who really understand what kind of pessure i have been facing??
Friends been asking to confide with them, but i couldn't do that.. i don't know hw to explain it.. perhaps many things has happened around me, and changed my preception. I used to be jovial, like to talk things out.. but now, i am not myself anymore..
I feel so hard to explain things to ppl, i can't bring myself well.. what should i do? When my dad is around, he's always the one who i will talk to, he's the only one can open my heart to talk to and a person that i can vent out my feelings, and be a real me.. now he's gone, i can't really find a right person to really confide too.. Not saying my bf is not good, but...
I don't know what i am saying, i am just not myself...
However, i still will do what i really what i want to do.. and not to disappoint ppl who's around me and support me all this while..!