This week was mad crazy, finally i decided to tell my feelings to him. And decided to cool down and not meeting him for the moment. It's make me feel pain, in fact i do not want him to know but eventually i say it out. I couldn't take it anymore! Simply to say it's on my nerve..

I am a person will not say unless it's really on my nerve or not, i will let it be. The pain in me is killing me. I couldn't bring myself in forgiving him reason be it, he always not been there for me and always choose to ignore my prescene. In fact, there's more reason. The most killing is the way he treated me, i couldn't take it anymore.

I cried almost everyday, every moment. My eyes is swollen and pain.. My heart shattered into many pieces and it's still bleeding.

When he look for me, i am scared, stress and feel pain in my heart. He really hurt me alot alot alot..! Hurt me till to the state i lost all trust and confidence. Emptiness, Emo-ness all befall to me. Many times i tried to cover my emotion during work, but always my supervisor could tell that i am not in a good shape to work. But he knows, i am trying my best to perform.

My friends around me always try their best to entertain me as much as possible even though they do not know what's the reason that i am so emotional. What they know, everytime i go to the ladies i will tear and everytime i see the apologise sms i will tear..

I have been asking myself why am i so pain? Why i am always the one who get so much hurt? When the intial stage i also get hurt from others, and now is him. What i know i have putted so much effort but always been chucked it aside.

Today i went to somewhere and the cafe was quiet and i found sudden peace, i switch off my mobile for awhile and relax, sitting down there listening to my favourite songs. The peace which i never have before.. Suddenly i remember i have been wanted to go to a place, but i always lost myself or either forgot how to go. But i believe one day i will get myself there again.

I just want to be alone, just want to relax and find my calmness my thinking and myself back... But can i get back what i want? It's an unknown answer for me. And, whether should i forgive him, my answer is a unknown. If you were to ask me, whether i still love him, i don't know how to answer. What i want to know could my heart be mend back and trust him again.... everything is an unknown.