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Saturday, June 13, 2009
can't really sleep now, not sure why i can't sleep. Perphaps i am bothering somethings? and trying to self reflect with some certain stuffs..The longer in the relationship, i feel there is differences in our personality. Well, understand that not everyone has the same personality. I always believe that no ones will be the same personality there will be bounced of differences. Is the matter whether is a give and take, or compromise with each other.
I realise that somehow or rather, when both parties are angry or whatever words come from the party will never turn out to be good in any ways. When people are hot-headed they couldn't listen anythings from other people.
In the earlier post, i posted that i am mad with some certain stuffs, yes till now i am still angry with it. I blame myself for not been well behaved. Maybe of the job stress that i am having, perphaps? been stress by my management, which needed me to monitor staffs, company operation and etc..
Yes, i accepted the job. But he wants me to say so i say what i feel, but which turn out in other way. Which makes him feel that i am boosting in some ways. Which honestly, i didn't.. maybe my fault for not watching what things i'm saying or whatever. My mind was drifting somewhere else, thinking yesterday happening, in fact today at work i wasn't concenrating enough. My colleagues detect the differences and approached me whether how am i and etc.. same as usual i will never admit that i am emotional not feeling good.
Always keep things in my heart, will never let anyone to detect. Even i want to cry i will like to stay at home and cry. I wouldn't want anyone to affect by my mood, which same goes to him. But well enough, he always detect, same as usual i will never let him know. Which there is some misunderstand causes.
Today forced myself to mug in work, take a fast lunch and get back on researching and solve each and every issue that happens in the company to forget stuffs. Honestly, i miss one place that i like to go to, a place that i feel peace where i can peace my mind. Maybe, one day i should drop by there to have a sit to see nice views over there. (always have hiding place)
Wish to also go to my birth place, where i suppose to belong at.. (wouldn't tell you) maybe this places can peace my minds? not sure, since young i always have a habit to roam around, sit around and to see children running around. Even quarrel with my parents, i will definetly run out to the place and sit.
haiz, i really tired.. health coming to down slope, recent asthma attack and etc.. there is alot of things i didn't say it out. I myself also doesn't wish anyone to be worried about me. How wish that...i...
Well, i won't be sleeping anyway.. will just keep wondering around and watch whatever shows than will go to.. meeting him in the morning....
*p.s i'm still tearing... sad... currently mental status: not stable. Losing confidence..
I'm sorry that i have made mistakes, which doesn't mean too.. if you still thinks that way, i don't have much to say. No more saying from me... as i feel the more i say the more mistakes i make, the best i don't say anything will be the best, will only listens to you... Sorry...sorry sorry..